Awareness.
The awareness I am talking about is about yourself. If you have Depression, you need to be aware of how you are thinking and feeling at all times. learning to be in tune with yourself is what is the beginning of change. Positive change. Let me explain.
If you can become aware of how you think you can change that to be positive so that your reaction(which would be how you feel, you emotional reaction), you can change how something will affect you in the first place. You can avoid a negative reaction all together!
Awareness is like a little alarm that you would get. Turn on your awareness button and every time something is about to affect you, because you were warned, you can choose the outcome of how you will react. It's a reflex. Instead of the reflexes you are used to that would be like catching a glass that was about to fall...you can use your mental reflex and catch yourself before you fall into a "low".
This is not that easy to do but once you learn how to be aware, you will avoid so many "lows" and start feeling better more often and for longer periods of time.
Having Depression in this world gets even harder with each passing year. The cruelty of this world is so great that everywhere we turn that are things that can set us off.
I try not to watch the news, a sad story will ruin my whole mindset for the day. My whole mood changes and no matter how hard I try to occupy myself with work or just everyday things, that news report will be lingering in the back of my head all day.
I purposely won't make food the way my Grandfather taught me because I get all emotional once the smells hit my nose. Smells that, although wonderful memories, bring me to tears and mourning all over again.
I won't do crafts if I'm not feeing inspired. If I try I will end up getting frustrated with myself and start beating up my self-esteem. It's better to wait until that inspiration fills me to the top so that when I do do something, it will come out right. I'll be proud of my work and ready to show it off!
These are just my personal quirks that I have learned to be ware of in order to avoid having a bad day.
Now of course there will be things that happen in your day that you will have no control over, but as for the things that you can control, you alone are responsible for the outcome of those days!
Thought for the day:
Awareness is your mental reflex, catch yourself before you fall!
Always
Dr. Nobody
Thanks for all your contributions. Just read the last 5 or so. Very helpful right now. Yes it is awareness. To catch the thought before it snowballs into a depressed state. Sometimes that is hard. The " triggers" can come when least expected. I hate the feeling of being depressed, of feeling like I want to do so many things and yet there is nothing I can do but just be BLAH. My fiancé and I broke up and have not been the same since. Thanks for your blog. Helps. Lonely in Sedona
ReplyDeleteYep, I am like borderline horder right now with all kinds of prodjects! "Blah" status as we speak!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to explain how it feels to non-depressed people. It's not being lazy, boring, or that I need an excuse not to do something...I just can't.
What really hurts are those who won't see our issues as a real and serious sickness. People will give up on us because they can't handle our ups and downs...but imagine how sick we are of our own sickness!!
It takes a toll on us, and not just our minds and hearts, but even our health is put at risk! I have insomnia and the few hours I do are of such poor quality that I might as well not even sleep.
Not to mention wieght problems! I only work out when I'm not in a low!
For you abnormal un-sick people out there, be supportive. All you have to do for us is hold us when we cry, hold our hand when we feel alone, and tell us you believe in us! We need you most when we are in a "low", and when we are not, help show us how fun live is while our day is sunny!
In the meantime, us depressed folk will have to stick together...I got you!
Always
Dr. Nobody
I wish I could get this boulder off my chest... The weight of the depression has me down. For the first time in my life I am not able to generate an income properly. This is freaking me out but I cant seem to lift myself. I think I am angry under all of this. I want a way to express my anger but it feels to much to access in a healthy way. I think I am depressed because he left me... But really I am depressed because I cant express myself to tell him how his abandonment of me took something away from me i have not been able to get back. I am depressed because i am missing me! I am angry because I cant get myself back and there is no one that seems to be able to help me do that... But me. And, I feel too weak to make it happen. So, I am in the depression cycle. God helps but sometimes I cannot feel Him. I feel Him most when I am closer to who I am. Where am I?
DeleteYou are lost in the scramble of your own emotions. I just kills you, this abandonment. We need the support of others even though we do have God next to us. Had I not had my family and a few real friends, when I needed them most, I would not have been able to cope as much as I did.
ReplyDeleteI have had my heart broken a 3 times. I have been and idiot 3 times!
I refer to myself so harsh because, knowing that I am mentally and emotionally weaker than the general population, I still did not protect myself enough. I have come to terms with the fact that I put myself in those situations were I gave someone absolutely everything I have to offer. What did they do? Treat my everything like nothing.
Can I really blame them though? If someone told me that they were about to give me everything they have that is most valuable to them, I would back away as soon as they spoke the last word!
I do not want that responsibility. If I were to accept receiving their everything, I would also have to accept loosing it, dropping it, mistreating it and anything else that could go wrong while their everything is in my hands. That is a scary thought, and the responsibility is too big for anyone to handle.
Once I was able to look at love and a relationship in this way, I was better able to cope with it ending or not going the way I had hoped.
It seems like your break up has been longer than a few months ago, if that is the case, then the good news for you is that it didn't kill you!
You are alive, and maybe not so well, but that is nothing that time cannot fix. Some wounds can cure themselves in no time, and others need a little bit of air and some much needed time.
As far as you go, you need to understand that there is nothing wrong with you. He left because he was not able to provide the support you need. He couldn't handle it. It's not your fault and it's not his fault. That's just life. These might not be the words you want to hear but by personal experience, I can tell you that if a relationship does not work out, I promise you...there is someone out there who is your perfect match.
That it's self is the very reason to get over this loss and start searching for your gain!
No one person in this world is going to make you happy, but there is a man out there who wants to be one of your reasons for happiness!
If you can see life and love in this way, becoming the strong and wonderful woman that you have hiding, that man will find you.
To be continued...
Continuation...
ReplyDeleteI have depended on a relationship almost like a crutch, and when that crutch was no longer there, I have lost my balance and fallen.
I had to come to terms with the fact thtat that relationship was unhealthy for me and my Depression. I too felt abandoned, betrayed and even felt like my love was not worth enough to keep that person there at my side. The problem was that not only did that person not understand my sickness, but they were not in need like I was. I was needy. I needed to feel important, special, loved, and other feeling. There was nothing wrong with the other person, but you bet that at the time, I could say all kinds of things that were wrong with them!
Hind-sight has shown me that the other person already knew what I was just starting to figure out. That a relationship is not about giving or even receiving...it's about sharing. If you share your self with someone and not give yourself to someone, you don't risk that someone abusing you or what you have to offer.
You are unique, special, intelligent, and have a lot of hidden qualities that you don't even know you have! Don't give yourself away, but you sure can share what you have and what you are!
You are your greatest treasure, and if you give that away, people will attack you like wolves. Ripping and tearing you to shreds. But that would be your fault for not protecting your treasure!
You are a beautiful creation from God. We start out little and n the beginning, our parents watch and help us grow. As adult, we are now responsible for the rest of our growth. Are you going to plant yourself next to a brick wall? Or at a dump site, or in the middle of the ocean?
No, you are going to plant yourself in fertile land where you know you can get plenty of rain, sun and oxygen.
When another person sees how well and healthy you are growing, they are going to want to plant themselves right next to you!
So stand up, get yourself away from the brick wall and find those rays of sunshine and rain, give yourself some fresh air to breathe and let yourself grow from every experience you have!
Each brick on that wall is something negative, get away from it, it's blocking everything you need in order to grow!
Take the good times that you had with that man and store them just as fond memories. Take the negative things as lessons learned in how not to be or what not to have in a relationship.
That is all you can do, is your best. You gave what you knew how to, and now you know that you don't have to. So only share the greatness of yourself and you will find that others will be eager to share themselves with you!
Now I'm not saying that you and your ex can't fix things. For that relationship to work he will have to be more supportive and understanding of Depression, but you will also have to take responsibility for everything that only you can take care of and not blame or depend on someone else to fix.
I only say this because I have done this before and it resulted in the loss of a relationship.
Take a look at The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, This book will break down how to go about making these mental and emotional concepts that WILL make you a stronger person.
You don't ever NEED someone(when you become the strong woman you are), you will only want or prefer someone just because they add to your happiness!
Always
Dr. Nobody
Thank you! I moved away from the brick wall. Took some time and some days are easier than others, but there is a new life waiting for me. It is up to me to get out of my misery and feel better about growing my new life. Never had depression before this break up. But, my Mom did. So it was like I wasn't allowed to grieve, ever because it looked like depression - the big no, no. That was my Mom's domain, not mine. I appreciate all your words.
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased you are feeling better and are taking control of your mind, heart, feelings, and thus your life! Remember, share yourself...don't give all of you away! You have just allowed yourself to blossom now that you moved away from the brick wall!!
ReplyDelete