So how does one truly forgive?

The Bible says that God doesn't keep count of our sins.  That He understands that we are human and that we are not perfect.  In fact He instructs us to forgive freely.

We are not God, so how is this going to work for us?

It's not about saying the words "I forgive you", it's about your mindset and you heart condition when you say you forgive someone!

You are not the one who screwed up, so why do you hurt so much? Well you shouldn't be in pain. You need to realize that what was done to you is a reflection of the other person, yes it may have affected you, but really is was all about the other person.

If you know who you are and what you are worth, anything anyone does or says that could affect you most likely will have a very little affect on you! Why?

If someone were to tell you that that you a dumb, you know you are not! If someone were to tell you that you will never amount to nothing, you know that you already are something!

Your self-esteem is key to learning how to forgive, because when you can understand that you are worth so much, you realize that they have just lost something...not that you just lost something!

We will use cheating at an example:

You find out that you have been cheated on. Feelings of rage, betrayal, and self doubt start to cloud your day. You think "Was I not good enough?" "What did I do wrong?", "But I gave you everything"

You always want to see who it was with to see if they are better looking than you.  You cry, you scream, you might even act out.

Stop. It isn't you. You are fine. You did everything you could have and if they did that it was because they are not worth as much as you. They just became the worlds greatest idiot for losing you! You were faithful, you were true, you gave yourself to them and they threw your gift away!

Guess what, they just let you know that there is something better for you!!! Yeah, because by  cheating they just ended it, so now you can go and be on your way to finding something great!

Now if you stay, that's another story.

Be prepared for what is to come. Trust will have been tossed out the window and you both will have to start out fresh. Also, this does not give you power to hold this error over their head. We only have to pay for our mistakes once. You are no one to make a person suffer for their mistakes over and over. You don't like to have to repeat yourself so why should they have to.

If you know you are not capable of not reproaching that person, you know that you can't get over what was done, then you have no business remaining in that relationship. That relationship will be crap until you can.

When I say that you need to give yourself time after you forgive someone, what I mean is that it's ok to forgive them right away, but you need to see how your life is now changed from whatever it was that was done. Would it better for you to keep that relationship, dilute it, or end it?

To forgive does not mean to push the rewind button. You don't go back to before. You can forgive and choose to keep your distance. That would be protecting yourself. That is smart.

You see this add for what is supposedly the best shampoo ever. You buy it. You use it for a while. Then one day you notice that you are loosing a lot of hair. You stop using it. You got ripped off and your hair is damaged. No, go ahead....keep buying it!

To forgive doesn't mean that you have to settle for crap.

Forget that person in the sense that now they just moved to the outside of your circle! And that is ok. They moved themselves to that position. It's sad but you are the most important thing in your life and those who are not willing to see you succeed need to be put at your feet so that you can climb to the top!


Thought for the day:

The saying should be "Forgive and forget you!". Yeah, that sounds good to me! Why not, they forgot you when they did what they did.....return the favor!

Truly Yours

Dr. Nobody