Hey All!  Please excuse my absence, I have been sick.  I'm sure glad to be back though, there is always so much to say about Depression.

In my last post, I said I would explain why Depression is worse than Cancer.  I risk being seriously judged for a comment on that, however, I hope that my readers are open minded and read my reasoning on the subject.  You might find that you end up agreeing with me!

Although I have not suffered from Cancer, from what I have seen, heard and learned about it, it is a horrible disease.  And I think the saddest thing about it is that it can start at such young ages, babies even!

The death rate for Cancer patients is higher than that of Depression sufferers, however, Depression is starting to take over the U.S, whereas Cancer death rates are actually decreasing. Also more people die of suicide than by motor accidents!

Were my argument for the comparison is, is that Depression is a war within yourself.

Cancer is a health issue, you have no control over whether you have Cancer or not.  Your survival depends on your bodies response to treatment and medicine. You thinking "happy thoughts" is not going to be the key to your survival.  You happen to be the host and unfortunately have to endure that battle between your own bodies health.

A depressed person is almost the opposite.  We have to fight a war that is in our minds and our hearts.  Physically our bodies are generally healthy unless we have symptoms of self mutilation, drug abuse, insomnia and a handful of other symptoms that come as a result of having Depression.  Depression is sickness that does depend on us thinking "happy thoughts", our lives depend on our very own efforts do change our thoughts and feelings.  Imagine if Cancer only depending on that!  Then no one would die of Caner if that was the case!

It's not that simple.  To change the way you think or what you believe is true, IS the most difficult thing you can ever do yourself and by yourself.

I have battled my brains out!  Really, I have, and I know I am winning but look at how many years I have been suffering from Depression!  Suicidal thoughts started for me at age 12.

Can you imagine actually thinking about killing your whole family?  I have.  Late at night when no one else was awake I was sitting in my room playing out a whole horror movie in my head about doing into each room and stabbing all my family members and then myself.  Then a little while later I would come to my senses and realize what a horrible person I was for having such thoughts. That would then bring on overwhelming feelings of self hate so that I could punish myself for my thoughts.  The suicidal thoughts stayed because now there was even more reason for me to die for being such a bad person.

I really did love my family, I didn't really want to hurt them. Much less end their lives. I had to find ways to confront those thoughts and conquer them.  In my last bout of Depression I pushed away my own kids.  I had no patience for them nor did their cries for attention move me.  I was heartless.  Wanting to be in my arms, I turned them away.  So I sent them away because I saw the horrible person I was becoming and tried to save them from see this monster.

For half a year I was at war with myself.  I started drinking.  Couldn't make up my mind of what I wanted.  I cried every other day. Spent two of those month in bed.

So when I see a commercial of Cancer survivors and they say things like "I knew I could beat it!"  "I fought Cancer and won!"  "I refused to die, so here I am!"
My first thought is:  That's great, but are you saying that all who have died had no will to live but you did so you lived?  That's not true.  No one wants to die except a depressed person and that's only because they have not found the power to conquer their own minds!

As Always

Dr. Nobody