Depressed Teenagers
I was one of those. Being that I was, I had no connection with anything else. I didn't attach myself to things or objects. That made it really hard for my parents to ground me because there was nothing I valued that they could use against me!
If you are a parent and you find yourself in this position let me help you! First of all when you talk to your child, stop saying "you", because the moment you start saying that, I'm feeling attacked. Also give your child credit for the could choices he or she has made, don't ever say it was because of the way you raised them.
This happened to me once, my Father said that he was glad that I wasn't one of those kids who's out walking all over the place with their friends, getting into trouble and doing bad things. I told him that he had nothing to do with the fact that I wasn't doing stuff like that, that thanks to my choices I wasn't. I chose not to do those things behind his back.
I was always asked to go out to parties to drink and "get high", yet I always said no. I said no. Not because my parents voice was in the back of my head, not be obedient(I was actually quite the rebel), but because I had no interest in doing those things. So I deserved credit for my making those better choices.
Give your child credit for the better choices they DO make!
Any time a person, young or old, makes a choice...always give credit to them! Since you can't make someone do something, You don't get the credit. Don't be a hypocrite. Sure, when someone does something that results in good, you're all over that...but the moment they screw up: "I can't believe you did that!" " Why would you go and do a thing like that?" "Well that was dumb!"
Am I right or am I right!
So what did we learn today:
If you made a beautiful and delicious cake....would you let anyone else take the credit for it??....That's what I thought.
Wow this is still hard to swallow...Being a Mother and yes Let's face it I have a little too much pride being a Mother and thinking I raised my family and "helped" mold them to what they are...But I guess you are right a person makes their own choices wise or unwise...they made that choice on their own....This truly has opened my eyes for my other teenager at home...I am on him when things aren't right but I'm not thanking him for the choices he didn't make...Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean. It is a wonderful thing to see your children and be filled with pride. Every parent deserves that, after all the sacrifices one make just for them, all the things one does in order to give them the best. To feel proud of your children is the best reward of parenting!
ReplyDeleteIt would be great to say that parents should deserve all credit for how their children turned out to be. However, it would be and insult to the parents who loved their child and gave them what they thought was best and then turns out that that child became a criminal. So to be fair, we would have to give those parents the credit for having a horrible child, wouldn't we??
There are parents who gave everything a child needs in life, yet their child made the wrong choices, and they parents don't deserve to be judged for the actions of that child.
The good news... you Do get credit for the tools you provided for your child/children, especially if they used that tool!!
In fact the meaning of parent is: Caretaker, one who nurtures, to raise
If you gave your child the tools you thought necessary for life, you have done your job. If you cave that child love and took care of them, you did your job!
We can only receive the credit for the tools we give our children and pray that for whatever life throws at them, those tools will be what they need to get though it.
The problem today with parenting is that the "tools" used decades ago, are not advanced enough for todays world.
Not only that but what good is it to hand someone a tool and sending them on their way if they do not know HOW to use the tool!
You have to keep in mind too that the "tools" we need to give our children today need to be upgraded and need to have more than one use!
The best tool that my mother gave me was The Bible. She did't have that tool when she grew up, yet somehow because of the love she had for me and my siblings, she knew we would need more in order to survive this world!
The "tool" she gave me has many uses! It's not just reading material or historical story book. It has proven to be the Army Swiss Knife of all time.
It has given me hope, opened a door to a friendship with God, it is advice and wisdom in my pocket! It is the way to finding true happiness, even in this horrible world!
She has given me the tool of love! Thanks to whatever she did as I was growing up, I have the most wonderful loving relationships with my siblings. A thing rare these days.
There is more too, but I'm starting to get off the subject!!
So if the above blog felt a little cut throat, sorry, I'm all about taking responsibility for ones own actions. Accountability has been missing in this world ever since Adam blamed Eve for the forbidden fruit HE stuffed down His face!!
Just give it time, your children will eventually let you know what a great parent you have been!!
Truly Yours
Dr. Nobody