Depression and being a parent.

My kids don't deserve to have to see and feel the effects of Depression, but I had kids so what am I going to do!

Like any parent I would love to be all happy-go-lucky for them all the time, but I can only be that sometimes and not for very long. I have seen though, how if I focus on what I can't do for them the more I'm not going to be able to do for them.

I have to focus on what I can do for them. Like I've said in past posts, I have to take advantage of my good days and make them count!

I have been in such "lows" that I stay in bed and do nothing, or lay on the couch just wanting quiet. My kids will ask when we are going to do something, want to leave and go to the park. Being in that "low", the last thing I want to do is be in public.

It's like I feel ashamed of who I am. I only feel that way when I'm in a "low", but still, I feel like people will find me out! I look sick, dark circles under my eyes, pale skin because I rarely ever get any sun. Not only that but there are all kinds of people who are perfectly happy and smiling, I'd be the one parent there with no emotion on my face. Just the thought of that is depressing!

So I understand how hard it is to interact and distract your children while suffering from Depression.

My children, thankfully, understand when I'm not ok. In fact they are quite caring to my needs! If I'm crying, for whatever reason, they will come to me and hug me and tell me they love me. They of course will ask what is wrong and I tell them that I'm sick right now, they say ok and go find themselves a distraction. Oh how I love them!

I take a lot of bathes, It's very calming for me. One of my kids usually will come and sit by the tub to keep me company. Surprisingly, this time is perfect for bonding because I'm in a very relaxed stress-free state of mind. Anyhow, not too long ago, she was asking why I had been crying earlier. I told her that I'm sick again and that's just what happen with this sickness. I told her that is why I came to take a bath, to feel better. Her response, " But why don't you use that lotion you have...it says Stress Relief?"  It was some lotion form Bath & Body Works that was an aroma therapy lotion! Very cute moment.

It's moments like that, that make being a parent while having Depression, not so bad!

The second most valuable thing in this world that has given a reason to live, are my kids. Yes, at times I have not been the best parent because of the lack of attention and even a bit of love I am not always able to give while in a "low", but I forgive myself because I know that I have done the best that I know how and that is all that one can do. You can't do what you don't know!

Now I'm not saying my kids are neglected by any means, I'm just saying that when I am in a "low" there are lots of moments that I can recall when I could have given them another hug, or said I love them, or been a little more caring when they got a boo boo!

I hate who I am on my off days. Seriously! It's like we have a double personality with Depression. I have seen one of my kids fall and scrape their knee, yet my response to them is so ridiculously slow that I disgust myself for how cold I can be. No emotion at times. It is truly a very sad feeling. Yet, any other day, my child falls and... Tun tun tun! Super Parent to the rescue!!!

So all I can do is keep my awareness that way when my day is off and my children need me, I might be in a daze but still do my best to tune into them. I also will give them projects to do when I'm in a low, so that they have something to do. Seeking support from friends and family is a very good idea too. Ask them to take the kids out for a while. Not only so they don't have to be around the dark atmosphere but also so you don't risk taking out any of your frustrations on them.

Personally I'll get snappy and impatient at times. I do ask them for forgiveness when I have gotten mad at them when I know it's just me. Great thing is, kids happily accept apologies then turn and go find something fun to do!

Thought for the day:

The joys of parenting are great, and although we may be sick at times, children are naturally happy and are more than willing to share that happiness!

Truly Yours

Dr. Nobody

How to cope when you had no control over what happened.

First you need to still realize that you need to use your ME Reflex(mental & emotional) for each and every situation in your life.

You need to do this even more so when you had no control over what has happened. Doing this will help you to not only not take things personally but it will also help you not have to deal with so much unneeded drama.

So if someone says something to you that is very hurtful, you need to dismiss what they are saying almost as soon as the words are coming out of their mouths. As they are talking, tune out what they are saying and start telling yourself that what they are doing is mean, cruel, and immature. Tell yourself as they are still talking, that you don't need their negativity in your life. You don't have time for it and you refuse to make time for it.

You have every right to say nothing. Stand there thinking what I just told you to and as soon as you are done, look that awful person in the face and tell them you don't have time for their crap. Turn and walk away.

If you stay in an attempt to try to defend yourself, you will only be feeding the fire and letting that person get the best of you.

You don't need to justify yourself or prove anybody wrong. You know who you are and what you are worth. If they can't see that and have the need to insult you, they do not deserve to have you in their lives.

As soon as you walk away go and distract yourself with something positive. Whatever makes you happy. As hard as it seems to do this, you will find that finding a distraction immediately will be just what you needed to get over the situation and it will also make the "situation" turn to just a small glitch in your day!

Remember that things are only as important as we make them. Everything that is negative, needs to mean nothing. Positive things are everything because the memory of those positive things is what provides one with hope, inspiration and happiness!

I have learned to do this over the years and because of it I have been able to free myself from so much drama and negativity. Having depression, the chances of an insult really doing some damage is pretty high, so using this ME Reflex has helped me so much. I have started to become immune to the evil in this world.

Practice dismissing a person as they are speaking to you, if it is even the slightest bit negative, and you will start gaining the power that person is loosing!

Thought for the day:

When someone does or says something in an attempt to hurt you, it is just them loosing control, take that control that they are loosing and use it to become the wiser!

Truly Yours

Dr. Nobody

Spirituality and Depression

You know, go back a few decades and we will see how much more pleasant the world was. Why have things changed to much? Granted, some of those changes have been for the better, like medical and technology advances that have not only proven to enhance our lives but even at time save them. As far as the other changes I'm talking about, moral, values, parenting and spirituality, the change for these things has made a turn for the worse!

People are rude, mean, ignorant, selfish and unthankful. It's sickens me to think of how we have come to think that it is ok to behave and live like this.

All the things I mentioned above, stem from one key missing factor. Spirituality.

We have left God. Neglected our relationship with Him. In doing so, we have forgotten what to be thankful for, what love really means and so many other things that we once new or that even came naturally to us. We are so far away from Him that some of us even blame Him for the crap we are living!

He has given us life, yet we see no value in it and us afflicted with Depression even more so. He has offered us a close and personal relationship with Him, Our Creator, yet we find no importance in it. He has given us the greatest tool ever in order to help us survive this wicked world, but how many of us even take to heart what the Bible has to say?

It is so simple, the answer to finding our way through the fog that clouds our path to happiness, get your spirituality back and in no time will you not only feel better but those around you will even be able to feel the love and light that fills your person!

Did you know that the Bible says that God wants you to be close to Him? James 4:8 (He needs to be your best friend)

Did you know that we should have so much love for our neighbors that we should even pray for our enemies? Matthew 5:44 (How much hate could be eliminated if only we would listen)

Did you know having faith will save us? Romans 1:17 (I don't know about you but I want to live!)

Did you know that He has given us a list that will improve our personalities? Galatians 5:22 (Are you telling me people wouldn't be a@#holes anymore!!!!)

Those are just a couple of examples of why this world is so mean and ugly, because we are not heeding the advice! My favorite scripture that God put in there for me is:

Psalms 34:18  "God is close to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in spirit."

 I found this scripture while crying one day. I felt so alone, cold and lost. The hope for  a brighter tomorrow was absent. I was so deeply sadden that if a train was passing, I would've stood in front of it. There was no train and I was quite far from one so I picked up the Bible instead and told myself that there had to be something helpful in it. Low and behold...I opened it to that very scripture!

I was in such disbelief that I would just happen to find it that I knew that He was helping me! Sure boosted my faith too. To imagine that God cares so much about us that He put these words out there for us so we would know how much He loves us!!!

Read it again. He is close us. He saves us. How would we know that though, if we don't read is Word? I have taken this scripture to heat, and I can't tell you how many times when I'm in a "low" especially, that these words are what ends up pulling me out of that hole! Knowing that He is close to me means that I am not alone. He is saving me from the dark madness that engulfs our lives. I put faith and these words and they have yet to fail me.

The more you embrace you spirituality, the more knowledge and insight you will have over your opponent...Depression.

It's a massive battle of the mind and heart, prepare your spirituality and strengthen it with some of those scriptures above, those are the tools that God has given us to fight with. He guarantees they will work and we can be sure they will because He cannot lie! Titus 1:2

I, for one, know for a fact that I would have committed suicide years ago as a teen, had it not been for having God in my life.  It's not easy coping with the loneliness and darkness of Depression, but having Him in your live will be what eventually saves you!

Thought for the day:

God knows exactly how we feel having to suffer of Depression...Psalms 34:18

Always

Dr. Nobody

How to forgive yourself.

This is so important for your self-esteem. By you not forgiving yourself for something, you are punishing yourself over and over again. You are also not giving yourself a chance to redeem itself.

To error is human, we are not perfect. The mistakes we make is what we learn from. If no one ever made a mistake we would all be hot heads and we would have no value for anything at all.

When a person makes a mistake, they learn how not to do something. Look for a solution to correct it and move on. If the person is particularly savey, they will find various solutions in order to find the most efficient one.

So see your mistakes as opportunities for growth, not for thinking you are worth less.

You would only be an idiot if you kept making the same mistakes repeatedly with no signs of improvement or no signs of repenting if it is a more serious matter.

If God is so ready and willing to forgive you, then there is no excuse for you not forgiving yourself.

Psalms 103:9-12
"He will not always find fault, Nor will he stay resentful forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins,Nor has he repaid us what our errors deserve.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So great is his loyal love toward those who fear him. As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, So far off from us he has put our transgressions"

Ask God to forgive you for whatever you have done, no matter how big or small. Let him know exactly how you feel and what you have learned from the whole thing.

Once you have done this, it will be a lot easier to start forgiving yourself once you know and understand that God forgives you.

And remember that no one has the right to keep account of your mistakes, if one does, you need to throw them out of your life because as the scripture above states...He doesn't even hold things against you, so no human should!

Thought for the day:

If you are not forgiving yourself for mistakes you've made, you are also not giving yourself a chance to learn and grow.

Truly Yours

Dr. Nobody

Awareness. 

The awareness I am talking about is about yourself. If you have Depression, you need to be aware of how you are thinking and feeling at all times. learning to be in tune with yourself is what is the beginning of change. Positive change. Let me explain.

If you can become aware of how you think you can change that to be positive so that your reaction(which would be how you feel, you emotional reaction), you can change how something will affect you in the first place. You can avoid a negative reaction all together!

Awareness is like a little alarm that you would get. Turn on your awareness button and every time something is about to affect you, because you were warned, you can choose the outcome of how you will react. It's a reflex. Instead of the reflexes you are used to that would be like catching a glass that was about to fall...you can use your mental reflex and catch yourself before you fall into a "low".

This is not that easy to do but once you learn how to be aware, you will avoid so many "lows" and start feeling better more often and for longer periods of time.

Having Depression in this world gets even harder with each passing year. The cruelty of this world is so great that everywhere we turn that are things that can set us off.

I try not to watch the news, a sad story will ruin my whole mindset for the day. My whole mood changes and no matter how hard I try to occupy myself with work or just everyday things, that news report will be lingering in the back of my head all day.

I purposely won't make food the way my Grandfather taught me because I get all emotional once the smells hit my nose. Smells that, although wonderful memories, bring me to tears and mourning all over again.

I won't do crafts if I'm not feeing inspired. If I try I will end up getting frustrated with myself and start beating up my self-esteem. It's better to wait until that inspiration fills me to the top so that when I do do something, it will come out right. I'll be proud of my work and ready to show it off!

These are just my personal quirks that I have learned to be ware of in order to avoid having a bad day.

Now of course there will be things that happen in your day that you will have no control over, but as for the things that you can control, you alone are responsible for the outcome of those days!

Thought for the day:

Awareness is your mental reflex, catch yourself before you fall!

Always

Dr. Nobody

To live or not to live?

LIVE. Live because there are more reasons to live than to die!

I know it might seem like you can find more reason to die but you are wrong. Beside the apparent reasons to live, you still haven't even found all the other reasons to live yet! Yes, they are out there waiting to be found by you.

Another good one you didn't know about is that I want to be your friend! I'm a reason! I want to get to know you! Let's be friends! Not only do I know what you are going through but I'm actually quite the goof-ball....makes for good times!!

So don't do it. Write me first. Give me a chance to know who you are because I care about you. I also have so many things I want to share with you. Give me a chance to be your friend and give you all the gifts I have for you, then, if you want to do whatever you want to do....go ahead. Just let me in your life first!



Thought for the day:

L.I.V.E = Learn new things!, Inspire someone!, Value-find it in everything you do to give it meaning!, & Experience the power life can give!

Truly Yours

Dr. Nobody

Depression and relationships.

This is a hard one, even for me.

Medically speaking, a depressed person should not be looking to start a new romantic relationship. Professionally speaking, it is unhealthy for us because we are so unstable. Our ability to make sensible decisions is corrupted by the Depression that invades us.

However, it would be harsh to say that because one is depressed we don't get to experience love. That would be unfair.

For about love, the Bible says that it  "It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

I will say this though, even a depressed person has the right to love, just be careful that the relationship improves your life not impedes it!

For a depressed person, a bad relationship hurts even more. Any betrayal on the other end will be magnified tenfold. Any betrayal on our own part most likely will lead in even more self-esteem issues than we already have!

For a teen who is depressed, I don't recommend relationships like that. For adults I recommend that they choose a healthy relationship that would be supportive of the special attention that Depression requires.

I don't think that you should be doomed to a life of solitude just because you suffer from depression. Sometimes God will just happen to send you that special someone who turns out to be just what you needed, so don't shut the door on that possibility!

Thought for the day:

Love brings light to any life, but a broken heart can be deadly.

Always

Dr. Nobody